Friday, April 28, 2006


Schoolyard Shuffle

He was one of those kids...
Always dressed in suspiciously white-stained sweats,
exuding the odor of catfood, urine and general neglect.
He had unruly red hair and an attitude to match.
He'd always get into fights
and he'd always end up with blood on his shirt...
guaranteeing a second helping of abuse from his mother when he got home.
Few of us ever invited him to our homes a second time.
Something would always end up missing.
Never something valuable or in any way important...
Knick-knakcs mostly... stuff no-one would miss if they didn't notice
the lack of dust on the shelf-spaces where they were taken from.
And he was a liar.
He would lie so brazenly, cockily and pathetically that we had to humor him.
The alternative would have been worse.
Always claiming he had some rich relative who bought him fantastic gifts
for Christmas and took the whole family for trips around the world.
In other words,
he was insufferable
and I didn't like him at all.
But he was my friend
and compared with the smarmy and greasy jocks and rich-kids
who seemed to know all the tricks and secrets,
he was a better friend than I deserved.

29 Comments:

Blogger udonman said...

yaeh growing up in the lower class ived had friends that were the same shit man some times I would do the same with the stories about relatives being rich and shit

Friday, April 28, 2006 9:26:00 PM  
Blogger HairlessMonkeyDK said...

Udonman, exactly.
I didn't grow up poor, really.
Lower middle class, disintegrating into poor.
But the pressure was felt.
Finally
I decided to say "fuck you"
to the kind of people who would keep you in that role forever.
Be they well-off or living hand-to-mouth.
Like Popeye fuckin' put it:
"I yam what I yam!".

Do worry..
But try to be happy as well.
Michael.

Friday, April 28, 2006 9:38:00 PM  
Blogger udonman said...

well if you lokk at the blog i emailed you you can see i ma in the middle of saying fuck you to soceity

oh yeah I am getting rid of the netzero email address just using google actually i didnt know you even had it

Friday, April 28, 2006 9:55:00 PM  
Blogger Krystalline Apostate said...

Nice post, Michael.
I forget who said this:
"Friends aren't people who like you for what you are. They're people who like you in spite of what you are."
Something like that.
Rest assured, I like ya for what you are, and in spite of what you are.
Hee-HEE-hee. ;)

Friday, April 28, 2006 11:42:00 PM  
Blogger HairlessMonkeyDK said...

Thanks Uncy...
And I promise I'll hate you forever... Heeh!
Seriously, though,
the quote you can't quite remember
is bothering me as well...
I've heard/read it too,
but I can't recollect the source either! Damnit!

Saturday, April 29, 2006 12:31:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Michael,
Are you saying that someone who wasn't really a friend to you, but- compared with others who definitely weren't friends to you- was more than you deserved in a friend?

If so, then we need to clean up this bloody self-esteem whipping post.
You deserved then-and deserve now to have true friends. If you chose to befriend the outcast and unruly, even out of self-defence, it seems they are the ones who got the better of the deal.

YOU deserve friendship, happiness, love.

You're stuck with my friendship and love. I can't force happiness on you.
My happy gun ran out of bullets and they're custom made.

karen

Sunday, April 30, 2006 12:19:00 AM  
Blogger HairlessMonkeyDK said...

Karen...
Your comment deserves a post
unto itself.

"Michael,
Are you saying that someone who wasn't really a friend to you, but- compared with others who definitely weren't friends to you- was more than you deserved in a friend?"

Yes... that was the gist of it.

"If so, then we need to clean up this bloody self-esteem whipping post. You deserved then-and deserve now to have true friends. If you chose to befriend the outcast and unruly, even out of self-defence, it seems they are the ones who got the better of the deal."

Actually... and perhaps perversely,
I'll agree to this:
That I deserved better then.
Now? Not so much.

"YOU deserve friendship, happiness, love. "

Wether or not I deserve it,
I know I have these things.
And I'm grateful for them.


"You're stuck with my friendship and love. I can't force happiness on you.
My happy gun ran out of bullets and they're custom made."

Heh... Stuck with?
Try "couldn't do without",
and you'd be closer to the truth.

Sunday, April 30, 2006 4:48:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Michael
"Actually... and perhaps perversely,
I'll agree to this:
That I deserved better then.
Now? Not so much."

It's good that you are being kind to your younger self, but why not your present self?
Whatever you are seeing in yourself that makes you feel so unworthy is hidden from my view.
Cut yourself some latitude; bend a little in dealing with yourself.

I'm stuck.
Don't know what else to say.

love,
karen

Sunday, April 30, 2006 9:02:00 PM  
Blogger farmgirl said...

well karen im glad you and micheal ar stuck together cause in truth we are kinda all stuck in our own circle here

oh and by the way I got an email from dave silverman its either going to be las vegas or seattle just to let you guys know im saying vegas but he didnt want me to say anything yet but how could I not

Thursday, May 04, 2006 10:04:00 PM  
Blogger PastaLaVista said...

Hairless forget about that thieving bitch. I had an SOB to steal money from me in my younger days that I thought was my friend and I felt betrayed to say the least. But I do understand where you're coming from when comparing him to others more evil. It's hard to find a "true" friend. Right now I don't think I have got anybody that I can call a true friend in the sense that I have personally known and interacted with them over a period of time. Ahhhh what the fuck do I know. Maybe it's the tequila talkin tonight. I don't think I'm too far gone at the moment though. Hopefully I strung together some coherentj sentences.

Friday, May 05, 2006 7:34:00 AM  
Blogger farmgirl said...

oh and by the way I got an email from dave silverman its either going to be las vegas or seattle just to let you guys know im saying vegas but he didnt want me to say anything yet but how could I not


I meant the 2007 american atheist convention shit pasta I think we both need to stop typing while intoxicated aother whise I might have cought that any way your was tequilia mine was makers mark I was given a bottle by a guest at work full unopend bottle of whiskey for free hells yah baby

Friday, May 05, 2006 11:57:00 AM  
Blogger PastaLaVista said...

farmgirl you can't go wrong with that Makers Mark bourbon. Whoever your guest was has good taste. If you have a taste for good bourbon (which I do) Makers is the best. Watch out though it'll sneak up on you.

Friday, May 05, 2006 4:57:00 PM  
Blogger udonman said...

ya think it willi wasnt even paying attention to which log in I was using same on ra's blog guess I was a little fucked up downed half the bottle like I do with jack before I felt it hit got a new go to juice

oh and pasta ive given up for now on the hydrogen separtor just about blew up the shed out side!!!

Friday, May 05, 2006 5:33:00 PM  
Blogger udonman said...

shit just looked at my last comments could you tell I was beyond ducking frunk see ya Tony

Saturday, May 06, 2006 11:38:00 AM  
Blogger HairlessMonkeyDK said...

Pastalavista... To you ESPECIALLY,
but to you, too, if only slightly, Tony.

Please re-read the post.
I wasn't making fun of the already-outcast, I was comparing myself, unfavorably, to him.
I appreciate both of you, AND your
drunken(?) comments,
but I, the motherfuckin' drunk in charge of this blog, (sucking down
whiskey right now, in fact)
must admit to a certain disappointment in ya both.
Read my "Schoolyard Shuffle" post
again, then read your comments (Pastalavista!).
The whole point of my post was
that, yes, sometimes the people
we, as human beings, "cast out",
may be weirdoes and unwanted...
but that I, myself, have been categorized as BOTH desirable
and despicable...
And that we shouldn't be
so shit-shovelling sure in either our denouncements or our praise.

Saturday, May 06, 2006 4:39:00 PM  
Blogger udonman said...

well mes so bad then monkey hows the whiskey

Saturday, May 06, 2006 5:10:00 PM  
Blogger HairlessMonkeyDK said...

Heeh, Tony, It's good!
Grant's Scotch Whisky usually IS.
Hope you didn't take my criticism to heart.
Anyways, it wasn't so much
-your- comments that I was diasagreeing with, but more Pastalavista's.

P.S.
Tony, would you please, pretty please, be so kind as to mail me with further details about the 2007 meeting thing?
You seem to know before anyone else!
Like, is it Vegas?

Saturday, May 06, 2006 5:23:00 PM  
Blogger PastaLaVista said...

I'll admitt to being under the influence when I wrote that post. Maybe I didn't get the "nuance" for lack of a better term, of what you were trying to say. How you could call someone who steals from you and whom you admittedly didn't like a "friend" is beyond me. So in that respect I am dissapointed in YOU hairless. I don't appreciate being admonished like some student being embarassed in front of the class by his schoolmarm over his reading comprehension skills. So with that said, you can be shit-shoveling sure I won't be returning to your blog. I don't need that kind of shit.

Saturday, May 06, 2006 7:56:00 PM  
Blogger HairlessMonkeyDK said...

Pastalavista...
well, sorry.
Didn't mean to sound like I came down on you harshly.
But if you're THAT snide and
super-sensitive, do keep away.
Not that I'd want you to, understand.
You sound too smart to alienate
BEFORE we get to really know eachother.
So pleace, write me at
RegnumStygia@hotmail.com
and berate me some more,
and we'll argue some more.
Basically, I think we just missed each other's cues.

Saturday, May 06, 2006 8:05:00 PM  
Blogger udonman said...

hairless I just emailed pasta then tried to go to his blog he even pulled that man if thats the way hes going to actt its not so much like

I don't appreciate being admonished like some student being embarassed in front of the class by his schoolmarm over his reading comprehension skills

its more like a little toddler in preschool who wet himself

sorry pasta respect has been lossed this is not the rational behavior ive seen from you before
seey a man see ya later for youve gone on a trip along way from where you were

mey micheal I sent you the email

Saturday, May 06, 2006 10:28:00 PM  
Blogger HairlessMonkeyDK said...

Udonman, thanks.
And I did get your mail.
I was just startled at Pastalavista's outburst.

Saturday, May 06, 2006 10:57:00 PM  
Blogger udonman said...

well same here man just suprised maybe hes just blowing off steam
shit i missed the point i was drunk when i wrote that shit iwas in a skirt and a blouse i shouldve been more confused then he shouldve

Saturday, May 06, 2006 11:07:00 PM  
Blogger HairlessMonkeyDK said...

Pastalavista.
Thank you for your mail.
I got it and I understand.
Write back.

P.S.
Thanks (again!) for being direct
and honest.
And write back.

Sunday, May 07, 2006 12:37:00 PM  
Blogger PastaLaVista said...

I just wanted to make a blog apology to hairless for my earlier outburst. I accepted his gracious offer for email discussion and everything is cool. It's not the first time I've misinterpreted something that was said and overreacted. Hopefully I can keep my shortcomings in check in the future. Udonman I'm not mad at you either. This will be the last blog entry I will make for a while. Taking a much needed break.
(In my best Schwarzenegger voice) I'll be bock.

Sunday, May 07, 2006 7:45:00 PM  
Blogger udonman said...

pasta hope you got my email and again sorry I jumped on hairless defense with out giving you your dueprocess to present your evidence

it was some what all of our faults and it should never had happend in the way it did

so Duane im sorry man and the smae to you Micheal

(back ground music playing cant we all be friends)

Sunday, May 07, 2006 8:31:00 PM  
Blogger HairlessMonkeyDK said...

Pastalavista and Tony...
We're cool.
We're ALL cool.
Thanks to both of you.

Sunday, May 07, 2006 9:17:00 PM  
Anonymous karen said...

Ooh, I missed the tiff!
Glad everyone's bosom buds again.
Sorry you're going on hiatus, Pastalavista; will miss your remarks!

Udon-Vegas or Seattle?
That sucks. Never been interested in Vegas and Seattle's about as far away from where I am that it could have been.
Crap. Expensive plane ticket too.
Hey, what's the date of Easter next year?

Tuesday, May 09, 2006 1:29:00 AM  
Anonymous karen said...

hey all
Easter 2007 is April 8th.
I just checked Orbitz, and their flight calendar for orfering tickets doesn't even extend that far ahead yet.

But for the week before, it'll be about 350-400 bucks for me to fly. Vegas is actually more expensive than Seattle, even though it's closer.

And that doesn't include the hotel and meals!

Time to save, save, save.

Tuesday, May 09, 2006 1:51:00 AM  
Blogger udonman said...

well karen it turns out vegas would be cheaper for me but we will have to wait and see where its gonna be.

Saturday, May 13, 2006 9:43:00 AM  

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