Fear And Loathing In Denmark:
A Savage Journey Into The Memory
Of A Maniac. Part 1.

(ca. 8-10 years ago)

I was just walking into the classroom, when the drugs started to take hold.
My teacher seemed to be alternately swelling and contracting... like her body was in the grip of some fearsome flesh-molding tide...
and her face seemed to be melting... a puddle of purple wax.
Conjugating Latin is never easy, and if your breakfast consists of acid and martini you've got an extra handicap. Nonetheless, I passed the exam. Which, of course, merited a celebration!
So there I was, later that night, feeding a pet pig, who's fur I'd just dyed, pork rinds, while listening to the Velvet Underground's "Sister Ray" blasting out of the huge speakers hung in my new girlfriend's apartment.
Suddenly my girlfriend, let's call her Jane, says to me, outta nowhere:
"My ex just got out of prison today. He might show up".
I stare at her, not quite sure what to say, when there's a knock on the door. I laugh out loud at the absurd timing, but Jane jumps up, frightened, and turns down the volume a bit. Then she sort of tip-toes to the door and opens it, keeping the chain on.
Words are exchanged, but I can't make out what is said.
Then the door is kicked in, and this big, hulking brute stomps in,
glances around, and zooms in on me.
"Great", I thought, "Here we go".
The beast approaches. He stands looking down at me.
I remain seated on the sofa... pour another mix of chocolate milk and whiskey. He just stands there STARING at me, real intense, real potential-for-violence vibes radiating from him.
Then, finally, he asks, in the most raw anguished voice:
"Are you the one she claims to love now? Are you the new fly in her web?".
I raise my glass, give him a knowing half-smile, and drink.
He nods and sort of leans down to whisper:
"Don't get caught. Take it from me, jail is easier".
Then he squeezes my shoulder in a sympathetic way, turns around
and walks out.
Jane looks from me to the door and back again.
She gnaws her lower lip, then asks:
"What... what did he say?".
I point to the half-empty bottle and say:
"That I'll probably need a lot more of this stuff".
The pig grunted in agreement and I resumed petting him.
Never underestimate the wisdom of animals.