Tuesday, March 07, 2006

THIS IS NUTS!

Sometime in the near future I am going to have surgery.
I have something called hydro-cele.
Basically, fluids are filling up in the right side of the ballsack.
It is now the size of a fist.
I've always known I'm a ballsy guy, but this is ridiculous!
And I've gone and done a less than clever thing:
I've read how the surgery is performed...
which did nothing to soothe my nerves!
In the old days, they merely drained the sack with a syringe,
but since the dangers of infection were too great, and that
it wasn't a permanent solution, they've changed the procedure.
Now they make an incision, take out the testicle sack (STILL ATTACHED!)
drain and fix, then put the inner sack back in the outer sack and close up again.
Waaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!
Anyone wondering why I feel a bit nervous?
*shudder!*
The horror! THE HORROR!!!

35 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

They'll give you some NICE drugs first baby.
If they're local, just close your eyes and don't look.
It's gonna be O-O-O----TAT, Buttwheat!
And sometime...after it's all taken care of, I'll give you a treat for being a good, brave boy! :)
♥k

Tuesday, March 07, 2006 6:05:00 PM  
Blogger Mesoforte said...

Don't worry HMDK, it could me much worse. They could be cutting them off.

And Karen, tsk, tsk. What if children were listening, hmmm? ^_~

Tuesday, March 07, 2006 8:46:00 PM  
Blogger HairlessMonkeyDK said...

Mesoforte... yeah, THANKS for telling me... you utter creep.
Hope you get erotically mauled to death by horny penguins, you dastardly freak.

And Karen... thanks, truely.
If I get a large scar,
promise to kiss and make it better.

Tuesday, March 07, 2006 9:20:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

meso
Which kids? Mine and Hairless's? They're still swimming the Atlantic! The ones from the NGB? Hey, if they wandered over here, they better be ready for whatever!

Michael
I meant to say O-O-O-TAY, not TAT! Darn! Messed up my Lil Rascals reference.

"promise to kiss and make it better"-even if I have to hunt for it for days, my love

Tuesday, March 07, 2006 11:24:00 PM  
Blogger Mesoforte said...

HMDK

You know, if they mess up, they might have to. ^_^ (Of course if you don't go because of this, they might have to anyway.)

Just do what I do, laugh and get it over with.

karen

I don't know, you get all ages zooming around the blogs. Don't worry about it though, I was being my normal sarcastic self. ^_~

Wednesday, March 08, 2006 6:31:00 AM  
Blogger HairlessMonkeyDK said...

Meso... Okay... you were WARNED.
I'll bash in your teeth with a heavy hammer, then cleave your empty skull with an axe...
but you won't die that easily,
I'll be sure of that... I'll be -just- careful enough to keep you alive.
Then I'll gouge out your eyes with a rusty spoon and eat them like ripe grapes... and then I'll desecrate your groin with a plastic fork.... and then! THEN! Then I'll... ehhh.... I'll do something so bad, they'll have to invent a new name for it.

P.S.

I'm still considered sane, right?

Thursday, March 09, 2006 10:33:00 PM  
Blogger HairlessMonkeyDK said...

AnonyKaren said:
"They'll give you some NICE drugs first baby.
If they're local, just close your eyes and don't look."

Yeah... that's just the problem.
It IS done with only localized drugs... and as for not looking?
How the hell is that going to work with someone as insatiably curious like me?
Gaahhhh.... I'm really starting to dread this.

Thursday, March 09, 2006 10:39:00 PM  
Blogger Mesoforte said...

HMDK

Yeah, you're still sane. I mean, I do that all the time, and they still haven't locked me away.

And don't dread the surgery. Just laugh and get it over with.

Friday, March 10, 2006 1:29:00 AM  
Blogger HairlessMonkeyDK said...

MESOFORTE!!!
How -dare- you show your ugly face here again?

"Just laugh and get it over with."

I'll laugh when I'm eating your roasting carcass!

Friday, March 10, 2006 3:39:00 AM  
Blogger Krystalline Apostate said...

HMDK:
Oy gevalt. I'm getting sympathy pains from here. 'N I ain't joshin' not 1 bit. A blade taken to one's...cajones. Brrhhh! I wish there's something I could do for ya.
I'm assuming the local anesthetic is cheaper? You can't have them put you under?
That sucks.
I broke my left arm 1 year, so bad they had to put a huge pin in it. When they removed it, I asked to be put under. No can do.
Excruciating sensation. Not pain, but I could literally feel them unscrewing the damned thing.
Surgery is not fun. Been thru it a coupla times.
Profuse and multiple sympathies.

Friday, March 10, 2006 3:52:00 AM  
Blogger HairlessMonkeyDK said...

"'N I ain't joshin' not 1 bit. A blade taken to one's...cajones. Brrhhh! I wish there's something I could do for ya."

Know you do... thanks.


Uncy... cheaper?
This is Denmark, remember?
It's FREE.
That is the only bright spot in this circumstance... that I don't have to PAY for being butchered.

Friday, March 10, 2006 4:13:00 AM  
Blogger Mesoforte said...

HMDK

Well, I can always tell you about something pretty painful that happened to me recently. I went to the dentist because some of my teeth weren't completely coming out. They were going to cut the gums so that the teeth could break the skin. So, I go in there and get the normal injections into my gums. That's when they surprise me. Using a method similiar to spot-welding, they started to burn away the skin on my gums. What they did was charge me with one charge, and had a small device charged with a different charge. Well, their numbing stuff wasn't working very well, so it hurt like hell. I can still remember the smell of bacon. ^_^ MMMMMMmmmmm.

Friday, March 10, 2006 6:36:00 AM  
Blogger udonman said...

mesoforte shit man thats about as bad as my last dental experiance

Friday, March 10, 2006 1:34:00 PM  
Blogger Krystalline Apostate said...

MF, udonman:
I always maintain that dental pain is a sufficient argument for atheism.

Friday, March 10, 2006 9:20:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Michael
They're probably going to put you on a tale with stirrups like women use for gyno exams. Most likely you'll be lying on your back staring at the ceiling. You won't physically be in a position to look. Maybe they'll have something glued to the ceiling for you to occupy your thoughts...like a wienie whistle.
Hee. Leap blog.
Seriously doll, try not to sweat this.
Deep breath. Let it out. Again.
It really will be OK.

Karen

Friday, March 10, 2006 9:32:00 PM  
Blogger HairlessMonkeyDK said...

Mesomassabastard said:

"Well, their numbing stuff wasn't working very well, so it hurt like hell. I can still remember the smell of bacon. ^_^ MMMMMMmmmmm. "

And this is supposed to alleviate my anxieties HOW?!?!?

Fuckin' fuckfaced fuckstain!!!
Heeh... actually, Mesoforte,
I have to thank you.
Thank you for lifting my spirits a bit, by way of virulent vulgarity, yes, but still... thanks.

Sunday, March 12, 2006 1:28:00 AM  
Blogger Mesoforte said...

Karen

Good reference to RA's story!

HMDK

No problem man. We all need it at times.

udonman

Eh, it wasn't that bad in retrospect.

ra

Yes, it is. ^_~

Sunday, March 12, 2006 3:13:00 AM  
Blogger udonman said...

hairclub for simians

at least they wont spot weld your balls so it wont smell like bacon

Sunday, March 12, 2006 6:49:00 AM  
Blogger Mesoforte said...

udonman

Please do tell about your dental experience. Maybe it will make HMDK feel better.

Sunday, March 12, 2006 7:49:00 AM  
Blogger udonman said...

well meso it started with the fact i was in a deep state of depression didnt really take care of my self you know things like my teeth and such so before i knew it my teethe were basicly roting out from the roots broke a couple in back put up with the pain didnt care but started to come out of my depresion and started to take care of my self again then broke of one of my front teeth so went to dentist to have it fixed and he basicily straight out told me he could put in a partial but i would be having extractions for a couple of years about every couple of months and have to have the partials remade and then go to full dentures because my teeth were so messed up so it would be cheaper and faster to go ahead and have all extracted and full dentures so i went with full dentures but i had to also have part of my front upper jaw filed down

Monday, March 13, 2006 2:45:00 PM  
Blogger HairlessMonkeyDK said...

Ye hallelujah-braying hell!
Now -I'M- starting to feel sorry for YOU guys!

Monday, March 13, 2006 6:18:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Okay, the post that gets the most comments is about Hairless's balls...and now it's become about teeth.
Men are strange.
But guys, if it makes Hairless less nervous, keep it up.
Pun intended.

anonymous karen

Monday, March 13, 2006 8:12:00 PM  
Blogger HairlessMonkeyDK said...

Karen... yes, well,
any REASONABLE person (i.e. folks like us) would have seen IMMEDIATLY that
my semen-supply-depot was of
paramount importance...
And they DID! What smart guys they are to so readily surrender!

Echhh... actually... I'm almost runnin' outta Balzac humor...

P.S.
And NO, that AIN'T an invitation.

Monday, March 13, 2006 9:26:00 PM  
Blogger Mesoforte said...

udonman-

I hope I don't have to go through that man. My experience pales in comparision to yours.

Tuesday, March 14, 2006 6:14:00 AM  
Blogger udonman said...

meso i hope you dont have to either and by the way you are on the map

Men are strange

karen you are right we are strange i really dont know why but even the most inteligent of us men still compare war stories ie oh yeah they are gonna drain fluid from your sac well they fried my gums oh yeah they pulled all my teeth you see its like the primitive man sitting in the cave comparing hunting stories it starts ug ughh ug oh ugh wegh ughghg ugh gg ugh and just evolves from there so yeah we are strange

Wednesday, March 15, 2006 7:04:00 PM  
Blogger Mesoforte said...

Udonman

Thanks for putting me on there. I was playing with google Earth yesterday. Man that was fun.

Thursday, March 16, 2006 8:33:00 AM  
Blogger HairlessMonkeyDK said...

As Karen pointed out :
"Okay, the post that gets the most comments is about Hairless's balls..."

While I won't deny neither the succulency, bouyancy, nor downright TASTINESS of my minuscule privates,
I do question the reason of their unparalled fame.
i.e.
My balls are in peril,
yet everyone seems determined to play with them!

Thursday, March 16, 2006 10:06:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your privates are miniscule, yet you are vouching for your own tastiness?
Oh my, my love! You must be VERY limber!

Or do you have references?
I'll be needing those...

And beware of these teeth-obsessed men with their keen interest in your fragile orbs.

5...4...3...2...1...SNAP!

Friday, March 17, 2006 12:52:00 AM  
Blogger HairlessMonkeyDK said...

Karen... **LMAO**!!!
Heeehheehe!
My computer screen is now soaked in coke n' vodka, since I read this while drinking.
You owe me a new computer!
Heehe!
Limber? I am, actually.
But no, it's the tongue that is complimented most. Dunno why, as I consider myself a rank amateur in that regard.

Friday, March 17, 2006 5:31:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I owe you a computer?
What? It's MY fault you can't hold your liquor?
Compliments on the tongue, eh?
Me likee!!!

Very intriguing...

We're going to have to start a "Send Michael to America" campaign.
Put change jars in mini-marts and such...

Tongue.
That's the magic word, sweetie!

Friday, March 17, 2006 11:43:00 PM  
Blogger HairlessMonkeyDK said...

Karen:
" Tongue.
That's the magic word, sweetie!".

Plus, it's a great song.

But I get the sense that my mouth is only that good because I'm polite (and secure) enough to ask directions, as it were.
Besides, why get lockjaw for no reason, eh?

Saturday, March 18, 2006 12:40:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Besides, why get lockjaw for no reason, eh?
Ahem.
Hardly no reason.
BTW,
Once I commented that sometimes I just want to get it over with, and you got all huffy.
Goose, gander.

Nice of you to ask directions. Even if you make a wrong turn, it's all good.

But first you gotta pass the mouth-to-mouth test.

Saturday, March 18, 2006 2:14:00 AM  
Blogger HairlessMonkeyDK said...

"Nice of you to ask directions. Even if you make a wrong turn, it's all good."

Well, hell, everyone can get lost... especially in that neck o' the woods.

"But first you gotta pass the mouth-to-mouth test."

Okaaay...
but at least I don't have bad breath.

Saturday, March 18, 2006 3:24:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You win, Hairless.

That's enough public discussion of the subject for me.

k.

Saturday, March 18, 2006 4:18:00 PM  
Blogger Krystalline Apostate said...

HMDK:
My balls are in peril,
yet everyone seems determined to play with them!

Not I.
I have a pair of my own, thank you.
Either 1 is more than a fistful. So my plate is full, so to speak.

Tuesday, March 28, 2006 7:59:00 AM  

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