THIS IS NUTS!
Sometime in the near future I am going to have surgery.
I have something called hydro-cele.
Basically, fluids are filling up in the right side of the ballsack.
It is now the size of a fist.
I've always known I'm a ballsy guy, but this is ridiculous!
And I've gone and done a less than clever thing:
I've read how the surgery is performed...
which did nothing to soothe my nerves!
In the old days, they merely drained the sack with a syringe,
but since the dangers of infection were too great, and that
it wasn't a permanent solution, they've changed the procedure.
Now they make an incision, take out the testicle sack (STILL ATTACHED!)
drain and fix, then put the inner sack back in the outer sack and close up again.
Waaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!
Anyone wondering why I feel a bit nervous?
*shudder!*
The horror! THE HORROR!!!
Sometime in the near future I am going to have surgery.
I have something called hydro-cele.
Basically, fluids are filling up in the right side of the ballsack.
It is now the size of a fist.
I've always known I'm a ballsy guy, but this is ridiculous!
And I've gone and done a less than clever thing:
I've read how the surgery is performed...
which did nothing to soothe my nerves!
In the old days, they merely drained the sack with a syringe,
but since the dangers of infection were too great, and that
it wasn't a permanent solution, they've changed the procedure.
Now they make an incision, take out the testicle sack (STILL ATTACHED!)
drain and fix, then put the inner sack back in the outer sack and close up again.
Waaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!
Anyone wondering why I feel a bit nervous?
*shudder!*
The horror! THE HORROR!!!
posted by HairlessMonkeyDK at 1:39 PM
31 Comments:
They'll give you some NICE drugs first baby.
If they're local, just close your eyes and don't look.
It's gonna be O-O-O----TAT, Buttwheat!
And sometime...after it's all taken care of, I'll give you a treat for being a good, brave boy! :)
♥k
Don't worry HMDK, it could me much worse. They could be cutting them off.
And Karen, tsk, tsk. What if children were listening, hmmm? ^_~
Mesoforte... yeah, THANKS for telling me... you utter creep.
Hope you get erotically mauled to death by horny penguins, you dastardly freak.
And Karen... thanks, truely.
If I get a large scar,
promise to kiss and make it better.
meso
Which kids? Mine and Hairless's? They're still swimming the Atlantic! The ones from the NGB? Hey, if they wandered over here, they better be ready for whatever!
Michael
I meant to say O-O-O-TAY, not TAT! Darn! Messed up my Lil Rascals reference.
"promise to kiss and make it better"-even if I have to hunt for it for days, my love
HMDK
You know, if they mess up, they might have to. ^_^ (Of course if you don't go because of this, they might have to anyway.)
Just do what I do, laugh and get it over with.
karen
I don't know, you get all ages zooming around the blogs. Don't worry about it though, I was being my normal sarcastic self. ^_~
Meso... Okay... you were WARNED.
I'll bash in your teeth with a heavy hammer, then cleave your empty skull with an axe...
but you won't die that easily,
I'll be sure of that... I'll be -just- careful enough to keep you alive.
Then I'll gouge out your eyes with a rusty spoon and eat them like ripe grapes... and then I'll desecrate your groin with a plastic fork.... and then! THEN! Then I'll... ehhh.... I'll do something so bad, they'll have to invent a new name for it.
P.S.
I'm still considered sane, right?
AnonyKaren said:
"They'll give you some NICE drugs first baby.
If they're local, just close your eyes and don't look."
Yeah... that's just the problem.
It IS done with only localized drugs... and as for not looking?
How the hell is that going to work with someone as insatiably curious like me?
Gaahhhh.... I'm really starting to dread this.
HMDK
Yeah, you're still sane. I mean, I do that all the time, and they still haven't locked me away.
And don't dread the surgery. Just laugh and get it over with.
MESOFORTE!!!
How -dare- you show your ugly face here again?
"Just laugh and get it over with."
I'll laugh when I'm eating your roasting carcass!
HMDK:
Oy gevalt. I'm getting sympathy pains from here. 'N I ain't joshin' not 1 bit. A blade taken to one's...cajones. Brrhhh! I wish there's something I could do for ya.
I'm assuming the local anesthetic is cheaper? You can't have them put you under?
That sucks.
I broke my left arm 1 year, so bad they had to put a huge pin in it. When they removed it, I asked to be put under. No can do.
Excruciating sensation. Not pain, but I could literally feel them unscrewing the damned thing.
Surgery is not fun. Been thru it a coupla times.
Profuse and multiple sympathies.
"'N I ain't joshin' not 1 bit. A blade taken to one's...cajones. Brrhhh! I wish there's something I could do for ya."
Know you do... thanks.
Uncy... cheaper?
This is Denmark, remember?
It's FREE.
That is the only bright spot in this circumstance... that I don't have to PAY for being butchered.
HMDK
Well, I can always tell you about something pretty painful that happened to me recently. I went to the dentist because some of my teeth weren't completely coming out. They were going to cut the gums so that the teeth could break the skin. So, I go in there and get the normal injections into my gums. That's when they surprise me. Using a method similiar to spot-welding, they started to burn away the skin on my gums. What they did was charge me with one charge, and had a small device charged with a different charge. Well, their numbing stuff wasn't working very well, so it hurt like hell. I can still remember the smell of bacon. ^_^ MMMMMMmmmmm.
MF, udonman:
I always maintain that dental pain is a sufficient argument for atheism.
Michael
They're probably going to put you on a tale with stirrups like women use for gyno exams. Most likely you'll be lying on your back staring at the ceiling. You won't physically be in a position to look. Maybe they'll have something glued to the ceiling for you to occupy your thoughts...like a wienie whistle.
Hee. Leap blog.
Seriously doll, try not to sweat this.
Deep breath. Let it out. Again.
It really will be OK.
Karen
Mesomassabastard said:
"Well, their numbing stuff wasn't working very well, so it hurt like hell. I can still remember the smell of bacon. ^_^ MMMMMMmmmmm. "
And this is supposed to alleviate my anxieties HOW?!?!?
Fuckin' fuckfaced fuckstain!!!
Heeh... actually, Mesoforte,
I have to thank you.
Thank you for lifting my spirits a bit, by way of virulent vulgarity, yes, but still... thanks.
Karen
Good reference to RA's story!
HMDK
No problem man. We all need it at times.
udonman
Eh, it wasn't that bad in retrospect.
ra
Yes, it is. ^_~
udonman
Please do tell about your dental experience. Maybe it will make HMDK feel better.
Ye hallelujah-braying hell!
Now -I'M- starting to feel sorry for YOU guys!
Okay, the post that gets the most comments is about Hairless's balls...and now it's become about teeth.
Men are strange.
But guys, if it makes Hairless less nervous, keep it up.
Pun intended.
anonymous karen
Karen... yes, well,
any REASONABLE person (i.e. folks like us) would have seen IMMEDIATLY that
my semen-supply-depot was of
paramount importance...
And they DID! What smart guys they are to so readily surrender!
Echhh... actually... I'm almost runnin' outta Balzac humor...
P.S.
And NO, that AIN'T an invitation.
udonman-
I hope I don't have to go through that man. My experience pales in comparision to yours.
Udonman
Thanks for putting me on there. I was playing with google Earth yesterday. Man that was fun.
As Karen pointed out :
"Okay, the post that gets the most comments is about Hairless's balls..."
While I won't deny neither the succulency, bouyancy, nor downright TASTINESS of my minuscule privates,
I do question the reason of their unparalled fame.
i.e.
My balls are in peril,
yet everyone seems determined to play with them!
Your privates are miniscule, yet you are vouching for your own tastiness?
Oh my, my love! You must be VERY limber!
Or do you have references?
I'll be needing those...
And beware of these teeth-obsessed men with their keen interest in your fragile orbs.
5...4...3...2...1...SNAP!
Karen... **LMAO**!!!
Heeehheehe!
My computer screen is now soaked in coke n' vodka, since I read this while drinking.
You owe me a new computer!
Heehe!
Limber? I am, actually.
But no, it's the tongue that is complimented most. Dunno why, as I consider myself a rank amateur in that regard.
I owe you a computer?
What? It's MY fault you can't hold your liquor?
Compliments on the tongue, eh?
Me likee!!!
Very intriguing...
We're going to have to start a "Send Michael to America" campaign.
Put change jars in mini-marts and such...
Tongue.
That's the magic word, sweetie!
Karen:
" Tongue.
That's the magic word, sweetie!".
Plus, it's a great song.
But I get the sense that my mouth is only that good because I'm polite (and secure) enough to ask directions, as it were.
Besides, why get lockjaw for no reason, eh?
Besides, why get lockjaw for no reason, eh?
Ahem.
Hardly no reason.
BTW,
Once I commented that sometimes I just want to get it over with, and you got all huffy.
Goose, gander.
Nice of you to ask directions. Even if you make a wrong turn, it's all good.
But first you gotta pass the mouth-to-mouth test.
"Nice of you to ask directions. Even if you make a wrong turn, it's all good."
Well, hell, everyone can get lost... especially in that neck o' the woods.
"But first you gotta pass the mouth-to-mouth test."
Okaaay...
but at least I don't have bad breath.
You win, Hairless.
That's enough public discussion of the subject for me.
k.
HMDK:
My balls are in peril,
yet everyone seems determined to play with them!
Not I.
I have a pair of my own, thank you.
Either 1 is more than a fistful. So my plate is full, so to speak.
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