Tuesday, January 24, 2006

It Should Never Have Come To This...

I know I should have been more careful.
The moment I saw Reluctant's name in my in-box
I should have thrown the entire PC off the french balcony
and out into the snow;
and the moment I read that thrice-damned e-mail,
I should have slit my throat ear-to-ear and followed the hardware,
spending my last few moments in this world
spraying cryptic red patterns on the virgin frost.
The consequences of not pursuing this prudent line of action
will haunt me for the rest of my days.
And the most awful and damning of these consequences is this:
what you are looking at now.
My own blog.
There are (were) few things I've foresworn in this existence
and ranking right up there with never trying to mate
with a duckbilled platypus, was having my own blog.
It smelled like futility.
It stank of being in contact with a multitude of morons.
It fairly reeked of being a waste of time.
In other words, it seemed like WORK.

So how did I get lured into this abyss of blathering known as "blogging"?
(By the way, I loathe that word: Blogging. Henceforth, I'll call it Flogging,
a concept I am much more in tune with).
Well, it was all Reluctant's fault. He baited me.
He sent me an e-mail announcing the birth of his blog
and begged me shamelessly to post a comment on it.
And I, being the friendly, benevolent and trusting sort that I am,
set off post-haste across the vast wastelands of the net to do so.
But to my utter horror,
I found that I could not post any sort of comment on his blog
lest I had one of me own!
I was never so torn in my life:
Commit what I deemed a sin against nature, or let down a friend?
And since you're reading this, I don't have to tell you what I chose.
But I will never forgive him for putting me in such a predicament.
In fact, I am plotting revenge at this very moment.
More on that in a later post...


Anonymous Anonymous said...

What! No picture in your profile?!
I want to see my hairless apeman!
Gimme, gimme, gimme!!!!!!

Alas, we can never mate, as I am in all actuality, a duck-billed platypus. :(

And don't harm one hair of reluctant's handlebar mustasche! I loved him ere I knew ye!

this is the mother of your fishlets

Wednesday, January 25, 2006 2:21:00 AM  
Blogger Krystalline Apostate said...

Such vitriol, such venom! Mine apologies have fallen on deaf ears, to be sure!
I begged pardon due to my newness at the blogging/flogging thing.
I've also told you: you CAN delete the bloody thing, if you're of a mind to.
'Tain't like I put a bleedin' gun to yer head, me bucko.
Go forth, & flog some more!

Wednesday, January 25, 2006 2:49:00 AM  
Blogger udonman said...

Well lets boil ra in tar then fling his stinking burning corpse over the vatican wall at the pope

well actually i cant wait to see what you can come up with on youre flog now if we could get hethenz or karen to flog the trifecta would be complete and we can get the secret atheist agenda rolling upon our plan of world dommination

Wednesday, January 25, 2006 6:25:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

karen says
I'm much too lazy to keep up with my own flog.
Flogging is what I call what I do with a golf ball. Now THAT's a silly sport!
Anyway, the first dozen or so logon names I came up with were already taken. Frustrating. Wish I could just figure out what my password to RA's is, and if I actually logged on to the blankin' thing.
Memory. I need to install some more in my head.

Thanks for the pic, sweet cheeks! Couldn't you find one you're farther away in? I can almost see you!

Just trying to live up to your women are never satisfied idea. Isn't it maddening? Don't you just want to beat me?

Wednesday, January 25, 2006 9:18:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OK, what time zone is this thing operating on...the middle of the Atlantic?
It says my last post was at 18:28, which is 3 hrs and 7 minutes from now.

Wednesday, January 25, 2006 9:20:00 PM  
Anonymous say no to christ said...

Sucker!;P LOL

Friday, February 03, 2006 4:58:00 AM  
Blogger HairlessMonkeyDK said...

SNTC... you're tellin' me!
Reluctant should, indeed, be castrated for his impertinence.

Saturday, February 04, 2006 4:44:00 PM  
Anonymous tomWright said...

Hey, I am with Karen on this one.
Post a close up instead of a wide shot.
That way at leat, your gay reads can print it out and have a chance at some virtual bukakke.
(I am just trying to keep up with the rude, crude dude meme here, sorry if it offends)

Interesting poetry format though. Is it written in Danish first and translated, or in English directly? Just curious.

Saturday, February 11, 2006 6:56:00 PM  
Blogger HairlessMonkeyDK said...

Uh... you seem to be a bit mistaken. There is no poetry here... as of yet, at least.
Only rants.

Sunday, February 12, 2006 4:42:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yes Tomwright! Let's nag him into putting something with a little more beefcake up here...Hell with the gay reads, I want it!
When you gonna make a new post, monkeylove?
And Tom's got a point; it does have the look and feel of poetry, especially with the centered format.
Email me.

Monday, February 13, 2006 4:45:00 AM  

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